I Am The Bones They Want
by Ahoyanchorsaway
Summary: Clary needs this more than she's needed anything. Why can't anyone see how much she needs this, how strong she is.


_Okay, so i got the idea for this story from reading the book Winter girls. _

_The format will be kinda similar to how the book is written, like the calories in parenthesis after a food that is eaten or mentioned. _

_But i hope everyone likes it, please leave lots of reviews.!_

_Thanks,_

_xoxo_

_Ahoyanchorsaway_

**Disclaimer: I do not own The Mortal Instruments or any of its characters.**

I open the refrigerator door and pull out a package of blue berries, measuring 25 of them into a small bowl (19) that will be enough for breakfast. The microwave beeps loudly, letting my know my cup of peppermint tea is hot (0) I drink the tea plain, sugar has too many calories; will add more fat to my already fat body. My mother's heavy steps thump down the stairs, before she can reach the kitchen I turn on the coffee maker for her. My mom enters the kitchen, squinty eyed and tired looking; I smile at her as warmly as I can.

"Good morning mom, I started your coffee for you, you can go take your shower now, ill even get breakfast ready for you when you come down."

"Thank you baby." My mom smiles at me warmly and kisses my forehead, then heading out of the room and upstairs.

I finish off my last few blue berries and sip my peppermint tea, taking it with me to the stove so I can start mom's breakfast. I take the eggs and some ham from the fridge, I cut the ham up into small pieces and heat up the burner. I take the butter from the fridge and place a little on the pan, as the butter sizzles and the smell hits my nose, my stomach knots. No, i don't need the extra calories, i'm fat enough as is. I chew the inside of my lip as i carefully prepare the omelet to keep from devouring the hot and fluffy eggs all at once. I set the omelet (330) on a plate on the kitchen table and prepare a mug of coffee for my mom. Sipping the tea is helping to take my mind off of the way the food smells, to quiet the screaming my stomach is making, how it's desperately begging for more.

I smell my moms shampoo before i see her enter the kitchen, she looks much more awake now, light makeup is brushed across her face and she is now dressed in a modest pencil skirt and button down shirt rather than slippers and a raged old pink robe. Without speaking she sits at the table and begins eating her breakfast, occasionally sipping from her coffee. The plate makes a slight clanking noise when my mom puts it in the sink, i feel her lips on my forehead before she heads out the door.

"I love you hunny, have a good day and i'll see you tonight, make sure you remember to call Simon, you know how he is, you don't want to be late."

"I know mom, i love you too, bye." I smile at her reassuringly.

After i hear the front door close behind my mom i place my mug in the sink and go upstairs to get my cell phone. I pull the phone off of the charger and find Simon's number, he picks up on the 4th ring.

"Hello?" He says, his voice still heavy with sleep.

"Morning sleeping beauty, time to get up, i'm gonna be leaving and you had better be up and dressed by the time i get there."

"uggghhhhh, fine okay." He groans out and then the line goes silent.

I make my way down the stairs. I pass the full length mirror in my room and avoid meeting the eyes of the girl reflecting back at me. If i look at her she'll tell me how gross i am, she'll make me SEE how gross i am, she'll tell me i'm fat, that i need to be able to count the staircase of my ribs. To trace the sharp hallow bowls of my hipbones.

I unlock the car door and drive to Simon's house, i beep the horn when i get there and wait for him to get in the car. The car ride to school is quiet, only the sound of the radio playing quietly in the background. Simon doesn't have first bell with me so we split ways soon after entering the school. I sit in the back of the room, the sound of a chair screeching breaks my train of thought, it's Isabelle.

"Hey." She greets my with a warm smile. I don't know Isabelle very well but she sits next to me in every class we have together, she fills the silence with warm conversation.

"Hey." I look at her through my hair and muster the best smile i can.

First bell drones on and so does the rest of the day until lunch, even Isabelle's chatter doesn't help my mood today. I go through the lunch line and grab roasted chicken breast (86), a small banana (72) and a small bottle of lemon juice (52). I sit at a table alone, eating my food slowly, waiting for Isabelle to come join me at the table. About 10 minutes later she does join me.

"Hey Clary." She says while taking a seat next to me.

"Hey Isabelle ." I look up and meet her eyes.

"I told you to call me Izzy." She frowns at me, playfully pouting out her plump bottom lip.

"So how has your day gone?" I ask her, changing the subject.

Izzy's eyes light up and she starts talking about clothes and normal girl things.

The rest of my day drags on as usual, i drive Simon home and go right upstairs to start my homework. The front door opens early tonight, Mom must have gotten off early. I change and head downstairs, i tell my mom i'm going to go study at Isabelle's, but really i'm going to a gym that stays open really late. If my mom knew she'd be mad, she's always telling me how great i look and how i don't need to go to the gym. She say's i looks great but i know she means you can't miss the fat hanging off my thighs or the logs that are my arms, or the pouch my stomach forms over my jeans.

I work off a lot on the step climber and the tread mill, my skin is covered in beads of sweat, my clothes sticking like a second skin. Before i head home i wash up and make myself look as refreshed and presentable as possible, can't have Mom suspecting anything.

When i get back to my house the lights are off and the house is silent, i make my way to my room and collapse into my bed, letting the thick snakes slither from the cage of my ribs and into my mind, encase my brain, whisper with their forked tongues things that no one would dare admit to me.

_fat, ugly, gross, lard ass.._

The shadowy snakes lull me to sleep, their broken whispers, they never let me forget, every night they coil themselves tightly around me, they remind me of what i need to be. They take the breath from my lungs.

* * *

_That's gonna be all for now, promise to write more soon.!_

_Leave me at least 5 reviews and ill update by Sunday at the latest. c;_


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